Understanding the Opposite Sex

female versus male

Men and women are different: physically, psychologically, and sexually. All differences between people create potential areas of conflict: Rich and poor, left wing and right wing, old and young, clever and dull, straight and queer, black and white, etc… A rich person and a poor person have a difference in economic status that can potentially lead them into conflict with each other. The rich person might not want to be seen with the poor person, while the poor person might want to take some of the rich person’s things. However, conflict is not inevitable: the rich person could give the poor person a job, and the poor person could learn to be a valuable employee. In this circumstance, the rich and the poor can have a harmonious relationship whereas in another circumstance, if the poor person is stealing from the rich person, the relationship is antagonistic. This is the same with sexual relationships. Men and women are different from each other, but this difference does not mean that they have to be in conflict with each other. Harmony is possible if both sexes and accept some fundamental differences between each other.

Women are disposed to hypergamy, which means they would prefer to marry someone taller, smarter, stronger, more confident, and wealthier than they are. Basically, someone better than they are, which means the more gifted and attractive a woman, the smaller her potential dating pool in terms of marriage compatibility. For men the opposite is true; the more gifted and attractive the man, the broader his dating pool. Women do make compromises on these things sometimes and it can difficult for them to do this, but there is a definite trend towards hypergamy. This is because women are effectively disabled by child-rearing from pregnancy, breast feeding, and taking on the bigger burden of supervising the children. If you’re going to invest years of your life into children like this, you want some assurances that they’re going to be children you can feel proud of. Would you feel prouder to raise the children of a strong, intelligent, tall, confident man or those of weak, dull-witted, short, fearful man? Women also have to consider that they suffer a huge loss to their sexual market value once they have children; men do, too, but it doesn’t reduce theirs as much.

It can be painful accepting this, especially for men, as women can seem cruelly picky, but women also can struggle with feelings of shame if they choose to marry down. Often for a woman she must ask herself: do I disappoint this man by rejecting him, or do I disappoint myself for accepting him? Until you’re in that situation yourself, where you have to choose between two or more people whom you may love, it can be difficult to empathise with the pressure women are under to make the right decision.

Men are disposed to be attracted purely to physical characteristics, but are also prone hypogamy. Hypogamy refers to the willingness to mate with a partner less desirable than oneself. Men prefer women who are physically attractive and generally are not concerned with a woman’s personality, interests, feelings, ideas, abilities, or anything psychological at all, so long as she is willing to have sex with him. Not only this, but men are also quite willing to engage in sexual intercourse with women who are less physically attractive, less intelligent, or less fit than they are. Men have the capacity to impregnate multiple women at once, while a woman can only be impregnated by one man at a time. From an evolutionary stand point, it would be a poor reproductive decision for a man to simply hang around with a woman once she is pregnant when he could greatly increase the transmission of his genetics by making many more women pregnant at the same time. Thus over time, men have developed a disinterest in women’s psychology, but a strikingly strong interest in her physicality.

Consider that most men complain that women are incomprehensible, but a quick examination of men’s magazines indicates that not a lot of serious thought is spent on thinking about ‘girly’ things such as feelings, intimacy, friendship, and empathy. There is rather a lack of motivation in men to understand women. A man technically needs only to understand a woman well enough to be able to sleep with her and, in general, so long as men are getting sex from a woman, they don’t spend too much time thinking about her or women in general. Keep in mind, the amount of time spent thinking about women’s bodies and how to get access to them is not the same as time spent thinking about women’s souls and how to understand them.

These paragraphs have probably upset a lot of people already. The men never like being told to “man up” and the women feel drawn towards feeling jaded that men often can’t even see them as people much of the time. They contain difficult ideas to process because they prick at the vanity of humanity. We like to think that we’re better, nobler, and smarter than everyone else, because we all know instinctively that hypergamy is real. We want to have smart friends, not dull ones, we want to have rich friends, not poor ones, we want to have well connected friends, not loners, and so on. We’re all socially hypergamous to some extent and women are far more sexually hypergamous than men are on average. However, I would like to ask you to try to put those feelings aside for the time being and attempt to look at this situation at least objectively if not empathetically.

Would it benefit society if the least competent men reproduced as easily as the most competent men? Would it benefit society if the least attractive women reproduced as easily as the most attractive women? Hypergamy helps to protect the gene pool of any species and keeps them strong into the future. When considering that the lowest IQ and poorest people are reproducing the most in our society and that this is potentially leading to the collapse of our civilisation, like in the movie Idiocracy, what kind of future will we be handing down to our children? Will it be a future that has less wealth, less beauty, less health, fewer options, and more burdens? Women’s tendency to be picky about who they sleep with is actually a powerful civilising force in the world and, while often a painful inconvenience for a sexually frustrated man, it is a great win for civilisation overall.

On a personal level, how can you love your partner, whether male or female, if you don’t accept something about them? How could you, as a husband, love your wife if you don’t accept her femininity? If you hate just one part of her femininity, then you can’t love her. You can be indifferent to parts of her while loving others, but you can’t hate parts of her. Likewise, if you, as a wife, hate part of your husband’s masculinity then you can’t love him. This is because these are fundamental parts of human nature. Hating men or hating women is the same as hating yourself, as we are one people.

Women are burdened with having to accept that they need to rely on themselves to enforce their own boundaries and may need to actually police other women who sleep around with men. Women who value sex as a pleasure-seeking activity and are not interested in raising children tend to sleep around because they can sell sexual access to their bodies in exchange for money, favours, or status from men. Since men are primarily sex-oriented, rather than family-oriented, if enough women are willing to sleep with them without commitment, they won’t see the point of growing up. They can be quite happy sleeping around, living a hedonistic bachelor’s lifestyle. A woman can now have sex with a man who isn’t a realistic or deserving option for a father with minimal risk thanks to effective contraceptives. However, serious questions have to be asked about the maturity of such couples and how they benefit society.

Men who want to have a committed sexual relationship with women need to accept that women value quality. This puts a lot of pressure on men to cultivate their empathy, their self-restraint, and their work ethic. It is not enough for a man to simply dress up nicely, exaggerate their abilities and resources (if not outright lie about them), and to pounce on a woman in bed at the earliest opportunity. Men need to work on themselves. They need to learn to understand women beyond seeing them as simply sexual objects. They need to work on keeping themselves fit, to see that they earn more money than she does, read books, and improve their skillset so that she is always marvelling at how much he knows and understands. Men do women an enormous favour when they work on improving themselves, for it reassures them that they married the right man which means a great deal to a woman faced with the heavy responsibility of being a gatekeeper to reproduction.

Women who want to love men need to accept that men value sex more than them personally. This puts a lot of pressure on women to accept that it is unrealistic to expect men to be as attentive and caring towards them as they would like them to be. Generally, men just aren’t going to be excessively interested in women’s inner world or feelings beyond coming up with strategies to loosen up the panty strings. This means having to have strong boundaries and strong self-restraint. Over time, a man may come to respect a woman to show equal concern for her, but only if she asserts her boundaries with him. Facing fears of rejection and abandonment is difficult for women, especially if they are forced to say ‘no’ to man who is otherwise brilliant. It means patience, understanding, and self-control need to be cultivated in a woman if she’s to have a successful relationship with a man. She cannot rely on a man to treat her well just because she’s a woman. She needs to look to her own needs and resist the temptation to allow men to look after her in exchange for sex. When she has a man who sees her as a person and enjoys her companionship, she needs to understand that a man’s sexual needs are real and important to him. She would be doing him a great favour in not letting herself go physically, as some women tend to do after they are married or have children.

In conclusion, men and women both have differences in their reproductive strategies that put burdens on the other. Men are burdened with the challenge of having to adopt an attitude of constant self-improvement if they want their marriages and love life to work out well for them, while women are burdened with the challenge to understanding and accepting men long before they can reasonably expect men to understand and accept them in return. Especially because women have such a narrow time window for their fertile years, women have to work harder and faster to sort themselves out than men necessarily have to in this respect. While we have many differences physically, psychologically, and sexually between us, if we are accepting of these differences, there is no reason why we can’t find an arrangement between us that makes a sexual union wonderful now and into our twilight years.

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