I Was Dumped… WIFTM

I think I did pretty well on this latest unscripted video… but afterwards I felt concerned that I hadn’t talked about how awful the advice of “block and never talk about it” actually is. This tactic of dealing with people by simply cutting them out of the picture is a signature tactic of narcissists, and it’s not how normal healthy minded people operate. Normal healthy people talk things out, they discuss, they negotiate, that seek out common ground, and they often find agreement. However, narcissists don’t do this. They shut down all communication and terminate the relationship. This is because narcissists see any form of compromise or negotiation as them losing. “To the victor goes the spoils” as the saying goes, and a narcissist won’t tolerate not getting their own way on their own terms: thus a total end of communication seems desirable to them because they think it prevents their mind from ever being changed again and this inflexibility is somehow “winning” or revealing of personal strength.

The counter point to this perspective is that when you remove yourself from the conversation you don’t empower yourself, in fact, you are putting yourself in the least powerful position possible with no ability to influence the outcome whatsoever. I might have easily concluded that my ex was just a lying cheating whore and told everyone that, simply because she didn’t advocate for herself, and the scant information she provided to me can easily be interpreted in that direction. It wouldn’t even be malicious for me to draw that conclusion from the facts on the ground, and several of my friends have already reached that conclusion about her: she was all fake and lying to me from the start. Personally, I don’t believe this because I think I know her better than that. I’m certain she isn’t a narcissist doing this to be maliciously controlling. But all the same, by not explaining herself, she lost all control over the narrative and now history will be written by someone else and her voice silenced because she didn’t speak up for herself.

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