A Theory of Attraction

Magnetic AttractionThere is an experience that almost every man can relate to. Imagine that there’s an attractive girl that you would like to flirt with at the office. Some guy called Rufus walks up to her and casually says, “Hey Gloria, you’re looking sexy today.” Gloria responds by giggling and bashfully telling him to stop, even though she doesn’t really mean it. You decide to go up to try this on a different girl. Because it worked so well for Rufus, why not try it yourself? So you walk up to Meredith and say, “Hey Meredith, you’re looking sexy today.” However, Meredith doesn’t giggle. Instead she looks at you with the expression you might have from watching a dog eat horse poop and starts calling HR to report you. While you’re waiting for someone in HR to come humiliate you, you’re standing there wondering, “But I did exactly what Rufus did, so how come it’s having the opposite effect for me?”

The confusion stems from the failure to be sufficiently aware about how attraction works for women. In this case, Rufus is tall, well groomed, and wearing a $2,000 suit. Meanwhile you forgot to shower this morning, your hair is a tangle, and you’ve taken advantage of casual Friday and are in flip flops and wearing a t-shirt. In short, Rufus is the kind of man a woman would like to get attention from, while you are not a man a woman wants anywhere near her. It has nothing to do with what you said, but everything to do with who you are and the choices you have made so far in your life. It might seem really unfair how Meredith reacted to you, and you might be tempted to get angry with her for being “creeped out” but consider this: Just say you were at a party and a fat hairy-faced woman covered in acne started rubbing herself up against you. This is what it feels like to a woman when an unattractive man flirts with her. Continue reading

Hypergamy doesn’t exist without Hypogamy

HypogamyThe word hypergamy is being used more frequently, so much so that my spell checker now recognises it as a word. Hypergamy is a term borrowed from biology that refers to one sex’s preference for a mate who is smarter, stronger, taller, more mature, and wealthier than they are. It has been appropriated from biology by some groups in the manosphere and is now frequently used to describe human females and their preferential mating strategy for a man smarter, taller, stronger, wiser, and especially wealthier than she is. However, the opposite mating preference, hypogamy, is still not recognised by my spellcheck and I haven’t read it outside of academic essays relating to biology. Hypogamy is a preference for a mate dimmer, weaker, shorter, less mature, and poorer than oneself. While I have read and heard a lot of discussion about women and hypergamy, I don’t think that there’s nearly enough attention to men and their tendency for pursuing a lower quality mate. Indeed, it is a common complaint from women that they have to play dumb with men, play down their virtues, or even hide their wealth, so as to avoiding intimidating men who shy away from women they don’t feel they are good enough for. Men who date women taller or smarter than them usually get some mockery for this from other men, implying the ideal is to have a weaker dumber girlfriend. An obvious exception is physical beauty. This is possibly the only aspect of hypergamy that men display, except even with this most men are still more willing to sleep with a low quality woman than a woman is to sleep with a low quality man. It often surprises men when they find out that fat women report more sexual attention than thinner women. Continue reading

Understanding the Opposite Sex

female versus male

Men and women are different: physically, psychologically, and sexually. All differences between people create potential areas of conflict: Rich and poor, left wing and right wing, old and young, clever and dull, straight and queer, black and white, etc… A rich person and a poor person have a difference in economic status that can potentially lead them into conflict with each other. The rich person might not want to be seen with the poor person, while the poor person might want to take some of the rich person’s things. However, conflict is not inevitable: the rich person could give the poor person a job, and the poor person could learn to be a valuable employee. In this circumstance, the rich and the poor can have a harmonious relationship whereas in another circumstance, if the poor person is stealing from the rich person, the relationship is antagonistic. This is the same with sexual relationships. Men and women are different from each other, but this difference does not mean that they have to be in conflict with each other. Harmony is possible if both sexes and accept some fundamental differences between each other.

Women are disposed to hypergamy, which means they would prefer to marry someone taller, smarter, stronger, more confident, and wealthier than they are. Basically, someone better than they are, which means the more gifted and attractive a woman, the smaller her potential dating pool in terms of marriage compatibility. For men the opposite is true; the more gifted and attractive the man, the broader his dating pool. Women do make compromises on these things sometimes and it can difficult for them to do this, but there is a definite trend towards hypergamy. This is because women are effectively disabled by child-rearing from pregnancy, breast feeding, and taking on the bigger burden of supervising the children. If you’re going to invest years of your life into children like this, you want some assurances that they’re going to be children you can feel proud of. Would you feel prouder to raise the children of a strong, intelligent, tall, confident man or those of weak, dull-witted, short, fearful man? Women also have to consider that they suffer a huge loss to their sexual market value once they have children; men do, too, but it doesn’t reduce theirs as much. Continue reading