What is a Power Struggle?

power-struggleAlice is angry with her husband Greg.  She asked him to mow the lawn before the weekend when the rest of the family will come over, but he hasn’t done it all week. Greg keeps saying he will, but it’s Friday now and their guests arrive tomorrow morning. Greg meanwhile is angry with his wife for complaining about him spending too much time out with his friends last week. Both Greg and Alice know the other person is angry, and both of them know that this implies they’re hurting. But neither Alice nor Greg want to make the first move towards listening to the other person’s hurt. They are locked into a struggle to see who gives in first. Neither is willing to talk to the other about this, and more importantly neither is prepared to listen. Continue reading

Philosophical Therapy is on YouTube!

Wonderful news.  I’m now a YouTube star!  Well… I’m on YouTube at least.  I’ve put together a few short YouTube videos in a playlist called “Q&A”.  After the friend who was helping me record them said that I talked more naturally when she just asked me questions.  Longer videos covering subjects in depth are already in the pipeline, but expect a few more of these short Q&A videos.  If there’s a question you’d like to ask, please leave a comment and I will consider making a video about it.

Why do we have feelings?

david-detailGrowing up I used to watch Star Trek.  Both the original 1960s series and the 1980s Next Generation series feature main characters who supposedly have no emotions: Mr Spock and Mr Data.  Spock considers emotions to be a weakness and actively suppresses them so as to be more logical; meanwhile Data has an apparent desire to fulfil his creator’s wish to build an android that is as human-like as possible, so Data seeks to have emotions.  While as entertaining as these characters are, the series never actually explored emotions, what they are, why we have them, and what their meaning is in any depth.  Rather, one gets the impression at times that the sole purpose of emotions, as far as the creators of Star Trek are concerned, is for personal amusement; they make life interesting but we don’t really need them.  However, emotions are far more important than just mere novel reactions of our nervous systems to particular stimuli; they are what makes life alive beyond the organic/material level.  Consider that each individual cell in your body is a living organism in its own right, additionally, the collective activity of the billions of cells that make up your entirely body is a secondary level of life, and finally the thoughts and feelings that make up what we call, for lack of a better term, “our mind” is a third tier of life built on top of the previous two tiers.  But why do we have feelings at all? Continue reading

Three Things Therapists Do

woman-thinkingThere is a funny meme that one can look up by going to Google Image Search and typing in “what people think therapists do”.  I can tell you that I do relate to a lot of these.  The “what people think” meme is one of my favourites because it concerns my one of my favourite subjects: empathy.  Agree or disagree with what some people put in these memes it nonetheless challenges one to think about how differently people see the same thing.  I have worked as a therapist/mentor/behaviourist for several years now and I’ve picked up that few people understand what a therapist does and why these things are important.  This list of three functions of a therapist is what I consider to be the most important things that I do as a therapist.  Keep in mind that other therapists would possibly disagree and that maybe their approach suits their clients.  This list is ordered by the importance I place on them; here are the three things I believe therapists should do:

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