Years ago dating red flags used to be all the rage. It seemed as though everyone collectively came to the conclusion that if we all compiled lists of qualities we found undesirable in the opposite sex it would somehow magically make dating a lot easier. Sadly, I think it has done the opposite. I wasn’t going to write a “What I Forgot To Mention” post for this particular video because I think I did a pretty decent job this time. However, an unsettling thought occurred to me just now. What if making lists of red flags was itself a red flag? It fits perfectly with my video about the ultimate red flag, because what could be more entitled than having a list of red flags to look out for in a partner.
I was reading a thread on Reddit today about “I like this guy, but he doesn’t look attractive to me, should I keep dating him or just stop now?” The thread was full of happily married men and women all saying they felt the same way about their spouse in the first few dates after meeting each other, but later when they got to know their partner said they discovered he/she was actually incredibly attractive they just hadn’t noticed it when they didn’t know him/her. Could it be that the people making lists of things they want in a sexual partner, namely “must look attractive” are just declaring their entitlement? Almost certainly that is the case.
This is a bit of a tragic thought to finish on, but take a moment to think about how many beautiful couples never got married because of entitlement. How many children were never born because “I could do better” or “I deserve everything I want”. The perfect is the enemy of good. It’s time this culture of entitlement came to an end. Please help end it by sharing my video anywhere you think it should go and helping to point out to other people the dangers of unrealistic expectations from life and other people.
Have you heard people complain about dating websites lately? Sometimes it comes from the men saying that the women are rude, snarky, and just not women anymore. Sometimes it is the women saying that the men are crude, desperate, and verbally abusive. After having read a few messages to and from people on dating websites I can see a lot of problems with people’s approach to dating. Namely, it appears to me that neither men nor women have a clue what qualities to look for in each other and what qualities in themselves they should be working on. The women are typically making dating profiles that look like auditions for porn movies, while the men are crafting unbelievable tales of their wealth, fitness, and charisma. In other words; they have become skilful at creating attractive profiles, but not skilful in recognising what elements are needed to build and sustain a successful romantic relationship. There is a lot of conflict on dating website because of this both sexes are reporting harassment by the opposite sex through verbally abusive messages demanding to know what the other person’s true intentions are.
Yes, men are attracted to physical beauty in a woman, and yes women are attracted to a variety of specific qualities in men. However, attraction stops being important the moment you decide to message someone (and they decide to message you back). After this, attraction is no longer important to the relationship. Stage one of dating is finished and one should stop focussing solely on how attractive the other person is and/or how attractive you appear to them. Telling people how attractive they are at this point is merely trying to play on their vanity. In stage two, since both parties have established they have mutual attraction, the goal is now to collect information about the integrity of the other person. Integrity is the most important quality in a relationship. It doesn’t matter how smart he/she is, how good looking he/she is, or how good at conversation he/she is, all these things are gifts. Gifts are qualities a person has that are a bonus to their character, but they aren’t important in making a relationship work. How smart, funny, interesting, skilful, etc… a person is might influence how attractive a relationship will be, but it won’t ever play a decisive role in the viability of that relationship.